2007

I kick the tin cans and colours blend together and the only thing I need to do is watch. What can I say to something that beautiful? No giving away this year. The opposite actually. Where do I send my token of appreciation. Red, blue, green, yellow, white, black, purple, pink. It’s been so long, I was surprised to find out I can get used to this. I can believe in all of this again.



If there was such a thing as a defining moment, I missed it. I’ll always regret it. But I’m here and everything goes so fast that I tend to forget. Not for long, never for long. And I’m all grown up now. I can let myself go in this whirlwind that keeps me from floating. I am brave, time will pass, it’s all me, it is real and I want all of me, eventually. Even in the middle of the night alone.

So screw it. Screw caution, or patience, or moderation. If freefalling is it, so be it. It’s been wonderful getting used to all the space.

Is it 2008 already? Can't wait to get started.

Volver

I am frightened of the meeting
With the past that is returning
To confront my life all over.
I am frightened of the nighttimes
When my dreams are linked and fleeting
And old mem’ries come to stay.
And yet the trav’ler who’s fleeing
Sooner or later must stop on the way…
And though oblivion, which destroys all being,
Has killed my old hopes, ripping them apart,
Yet I keep hidden a humble hopeful glimmer
That is the only fortune there is in my heart.

Return… with my forehead all wrinkled,
My temples turned silver by time’s falling snow…
To feel… that one’s life is a twinkle,
Twenty years hardly reckon,
And two fevered eyes beckon,
In shadows forestall you
And seek you and call you.
To live… with the soul firmly clinging
To one sweet remembrance
That makes me weep so.

Signs

End of the year

Check5 and me

Madrid

Less than one month to go....getting ready in London!

Kids

Leftover pictures

Just another day

Photography assignment at the cemetary. Someone tells me it's my age that's making me uncomfortable. Walking around with my camera, looking for images. Of course, transience. Might as well dig up one of the bodies for transience. There's an end to everything. Thank God.

My dad's lying around here somewhere.

I can't find his grave. Bad daughter. Everybody has a statue of a boy playing with marbles these days, so that's a pretty shitty landmark. I find it eventually. People walk by with carts of plants and compost. They make things grow on the graves of the people they love. I'm here with my Nikon. So I take a picture.

Letting go is not what hurts. It's the holding on. I'm so tired of both.

If someone can tell me why everything keeps moving, I might lose the constant urge to stand absolutely still and scream my lungs out.

On and on and on

Bravely I look further than I see,
Knowing things I know I cannot be, not know
I'm so aware of where I am, but I don't know where that is
And there's something right in front of me and I

Touch the fingers of my hand
And I wonder if it's me
Holding on and on to theories of prosperity
Someone who can promise me
I believe in me

Tomorrow I was nothing, yesterday I'll be
Time has fooled me into thinking it's a part of me
And nothing in this room but empty space
No me, no world, no mind, no face

Touch the fingers of my hand and tell me if it's me
Holding on and on to Love, what else is real
A religion that appeals to me, oh
I believe in me

Can you turn me off for just a second, please
Turn me into something faceless, weightless, mindless, homeless
Vacuum state of peace

On and on and on and on and on and on
I believe in me
On and on and on and on and on and on
I believe in me

Wait for me, I'm nothing on my own
I'm willing to go on, but not alone, not now
I'm so aware of everything, but nothing seems for real and
As long as you're in front of me then I'll

Watch the fingers of our hands
And I'm grateful that it's me
Holding on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
I believe in me

I'm willing to go on, but not alone, not now
I'm so aware of everything

(K's Choice, I believe)

Voor Eefke2 :)

Voor Eefke: Pink Party!