No worries, mate!

Ok. So here's the truth about Australia. People always tell you it's so relaxed and easygoing and beautiful. And so far I've experienced that all those things are true. But nobody told me about the weird things. So I feel a responsiblity here, people. Here goes.

First of all, there's nothing to be relaxed and easygoing about when people are attacked in Sydney harbour by sharks, when forests burn and rivers flood. Nature is such a fierce player in people's lives here, it amazes me why Dutch people complain about the weather.

Second, the pedestrian lights stay green only for about 10 seconds, after which a red light starts flashing for about 30 seconds. It is absolutely normal for you to keep on walking through this flashing red light. In fact, it's practically your only chance to get to the other side, because the streets are far too wide to cross in 10 seconds. If and when the red flashing light changes into a solid red light is totally unpredictable. I haven't been able to discover a trend in the length of the flashing. It's just Australia's way of saying: last chance for a while, you silly walking people! Make a run for it! So we all do, people actually start running whenever they see a crowd of people at a pedestrian crossing, because it means the light will soon turn green. And when the moment finally arrives (introduced by a weird sound that makes Starwars come to mind and signals all of us that the hunt is on), and the flashing stops, there are always those still in the middle of the road, trying to get back to the other side. And the cars wait for them, so no worries, mate!
Still, I want to be so kind as to introduce......(drum rolls...) the consistent yellow light! Nothing wrong with a little bit of clarity when it comes to traffic safety, eh? Let's send a party of traffic people to Europe or the States and let them try our exquisite system. Then we'll see that the flashing will end FOREVER!

Why there's no tipping in Australia.
I enter a restaurant, or at least that's what it said on the outside - restaurant - sit down and wait for my waiter to come. Or a waitress, for that matter. I'm not picky when it comes to someone bringing me food. Unfortunately, no one comes. I observe the other guests for a while, see what I'm missing here, and I find out that everybody goes to the bar first. So I go to the bar as well.
Me: Can I order food here?
Bar girl: No
Me: Oh. Where can I order food then?
Bar girl: at the kitchen
Me: Oh ok, so where's the kitchen?
Bar girl: on the far right side, behind all those 100 people sitting down with their wonderful food.
Me: ok, thanx
Bar girl: do you want something to drink as well?
Me: yes, but I'll order that at the kitchen while I order my food.
Bar girl: You can't.
Me: I can't?
Bar girl: nope, you have to order your drinks here.
Me: so let me get this straight. I order and pay for my drink here, then I have to go to the kitchen to order and pay for my food there, then I have to go find a seat and they will bring me my food?
Bar girl: nope
Me: nope?
Bar girl: when you order and pay for your food, they will give you a buzzer to take with you and when the buzzer goes off, you have to collect your plate of food at the kitchen.
And that's what happened. The waitresses do look very busy, though, but I'm not sure doing what exactly.

Oh, and the Australians have this strange thing with diminutising words, thereby making up new ones. English doesn't have what the Dutch language does have: diminutives. It's a great way of making it clear that I don't mean a table, but a LITTLE table. So I can understand why you'd want to have something like that in English. It's just that - as a result of this inveniveness - I don't understand a single thing of what people tell me sometimes. Examples: Breakfast = brekkie, Sugar in your coffee = suggies. Cute words, but a bit confusing. Or should I say confy?

Oh, and this last detail REALLY pisses me off. I was told Australia is a very dry country. So can somebody tell me why it has been raining here for the past 8 DAYS and the forecast says it will keep on raining for the next two???? I'm from f****** Holland and if it's one thing I'm bloody well not waiting for it's f******* rain!!!

Sorry, people here are so unbelievably relaxed about everything, it rather winds me up.... no worries, mate.